Never again will I join anyone's wedding party

I have to vent, I'm angry. My friend asked me to be in her wedding, she knows of my recent financial situation and the sale of the home etc etc.

I got an email regarding her stagette, (something I don't even agree with and never had one myself) the details were that we were taking a limo for the night, the beginning of the night starts at the maid of honors house where the bridesmaids provide 2 dishes and a bottle of wine each, then take the limo to go see male strippers, then to another bar and another bar after that. The bridesmaids were asked to wear little black dresses (which I do not own so would have to purchase?) and contribute to a gift for the bride.

This to me sounds like a VERY expensive night in which I cannot afford, other bridesmaids were emailing saying it sounded great so instead of saying I can't afford it I said I could not get the night off work.
I got a text today from the bride saying she was disappointed I wasn't going to be there, I said the same at first about work but she seemed angry so I told her the truth that I cannot afford it, her response was "That is why I asked you if you were sure because I know it's expensive" meaning asking me to be in her wedding to begin with. I told her I was prepared for the cost of the dress,shoes,shower gift,presentation but could not afford the extras, basically the bride is not very understanding about my situation and said that she guesses we see things differently and that she us disappointed I won't be there. I'm angry I assumed she would have understood, that is one expensive stagette that is simply not in my budget. I wish I had never agreed to be in this wedding but I wanted to show my support and stand up for my friend on her special day.

Any thoughts? Am I wrong for being angry?

The only reason a bride should ask a prospective bridesmaid if she was 'sure' would be to confirm that she felt she was emotionally close enough .....in your own words.... "to show my support and stand up for my friend on her special day.". If her intent in asking was to ensure that you were not only willing but also able to help foot the considerable bill for her evening of entertainment then it is she who should reconsider her original enquiry.

To me, any pre nuptial celebration should be organized voluntarily by and among those close to the bride.....based on their relationship and with consideration of their ability to cover the cost. Asking someone to stand for you is in most cases also asking them to lay out a fair amount of money for clothing and extras that most likely won't see much use past the ceremony. To expect you (plural) to also spring for her evening of fun and entertainment is in my mind, asking too much.

I don't think a true friend would expect this nor would they give you 'attitude' when you honestly share your legitimate reason for not being able to take part. Not wanting to be a part of their celebration (regardless of whether it costs you or not) is one thing.......not being able to, is something she should be sensitive to and understanding of.

Just my personal opinion.

I'm with Rott 100%

couldn't have said it better than rottn did

Kewl Chick wrote:

I'm with Rott 100%

+1

Thanks for the input. I knew it would cost me a fair bit to be a part of this wedding but to me the stagette is far too extreme this is not a hollywood wedding and it wasn't really a group decision, basically the maid of honor decided how things should go and apart from me everyone thought it was a great idea.

Even for the bridal shower hosted by the maid of honor, she basically told us our gift HAD to be a spa gift certificate, we had to wear a bright color had to be "dressy", bring a matching rose and bring a dish (which I did and was more then willing to do) The day before the shower I got an email from the maid of honor asking me if I could contribute money towards the shower, this made me feel very uncomfortable because I could not afford to give her money on top of what I had already made/bought.

I was never one to object to any of the dresses we looked at and was willing to pay however much the dress was going to cost, same with the shoes, I wasn't about to say "oh no sorry that dress is too much we need to keep shopping around." If I had been like that I could understand her regretting her decision to ask me to be a part of her wedding, up to now I've gone along with everything but as soon as I read the details of this night I couldn't justify spending that amount of money for a night out of partying when I've got 2 little ones to care for, I don't think a stagette is that important but that's me, I guess it's very important to her.

There were many things I was prepared to pay for, a limo and cover for 3 different bars, drinks, another gift for the bride and more food costs were things I was not prepared for, nor do I have the money for. I'm so angry over this, maybe she should have looked at people's bank accounts before asking them to be a part of her wedding if that is what matters to her.

Thanks for letting me vent, it helps to get this off my chest, I just got home from working overnights and this was on my mind all night long. I cannot wait until this wedding is overwith.

No sense in being angry Smurry,you cannot change what is.

Somehow people with money assume that everyone has a lot of it,if that is what she is all about then do you really need her for a friend?

No I don't need or want a friend like that. I didn't think she was like that, I thought she'd understand my reason for not attending the stagette.

Right now she lives in her parents basement with her soon to be hubby, they do NOT pay rent and are able to stay there until they save for their own house. I wonder how things will change when she hits the "real" world, hopefully she never goes through hard times financially but maybe she needs to open her eyes.

boy times have changed... crap..

when I got married I paid for everything.. even the brides maids dresses.... wow.. tell these new brides to save their money for a divorce fund.. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

when is the wedding Smurry,just get it behind you and keep moving forward,seems people today think they are entitled to things and shouldn't have to earn them which really pisses me off

The wedding is Aug.12, and i will be jumping for joy on Aug.13th I can't wait till this is over and done with, guess she has shown me her true colors and I don't need someone like that in my life.

No you don't Smurry,you have fought and clawed your way back up and certainly don't need someone around you that thinks she should have everything handed to her

Sometimes the people we care about really disappoint us

I wouldn't go but that's just me.
If I have no intention of having her in my life after the wedding, I would be done with her before the wedding.

Good point Jersey

then I would take all the stuff back get my money and take my family to a wonderful dinner,oh wait,Smurrys kids are little,little = mcdonalds and that is not good lol

the thought has definetly crossed my mind

I am thinking that is exactly what I would do,obviously you have seen she is not who you thought she was,and if you are going to be done with her after the wedding,I think I would save my money and walk away

Jerseyfivedogs wrote:

I wouldn't go but that's just me.
If I have no intention of having her in my life after the wedding, I would be done with her before the wedding.

+1 but I'm a bitch like that.

Mousey wrote:

Jerseyfivedogs wrote:

I wouldn't go but that's just me.
If I have no intention of having her in my life after the wedding, I would be done with her before the wedding.

+1 but I'm a bitch like that.

Same here.

I hate getting wedding invitations so much money now, showers, buck and doe, the gift, the clothes. So much worse if you are in the wedding party For pete's sake just sign a piece of paper and go on a honeymoon.

jamn53 wrote:

I hate getting wedding invitations so much money now, showers, buck and doe, the gift, the clothes. So much worse if you are in the wedding party For pete's sake just sign a piece of paper and go on a honeymoon.

+1 ....I would never do it again. Didn't want to in the first place. My husband is the one who wanted the traditional wedding.

If she wanted such a "fairy tale wedding" maybe she should of saved up for it herself and not expect others to pay for her "day".


But then again I dont believe in big outrageous weddings or bacherlorette parties etc etc.


Heck if I ever get married again everyone is getting invited to the bar to watch me raise my beer and say I do and then all ohhh and ahhh while I sign my death warrant. And the only gift I will accept is a big bottle of advil, condoms and sex toys

:lol:

I think one should never get married

Did you go to the wedding Smurry?

Yes i did, she had apologized a few days after this post, although things will never be the same between us I still keep in touch every once and a while. I was SO glad the next day when it was all over with and next time I get asked to be a part of soneone's wedding I'll politely decline! haha