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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 12:43 pm

How do you discipline your children

Do you spank?

Do time outs?(which never works IMO)

Take away privileges?

Or just shrug your shoulders and say kids will be kids?

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Unhingedmom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 12:58 pm

We never spanked our kids, and they turned out just fine. We practiced natural consequences. In other words the discipline fit the crime. It is true that kids will be kids (not an excuse, but a reason) and that makes it even more important that everything should be a learning experience. The form of discipline a parent chooses should reflect learning right from wrong rather than punishing mistakes.

In my opinion, time outs where a child is left on their own to reflect on what he/she did "wrong" only teaches a child to rationalize. I always figured that time outs were more for the parent than the child anyway.
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 1:15 pm

so child beats sibling leaves bruises,what would be your natural consequence?


child stole neighbors lawn mower Natural consequence for that?


child snuck out in the middle of the night Natural consequence?



Child got in fight with another in school broke nose Natural consequece?


Just curious what people do in these circumstances

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Unhingedmom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 1:37 pm

Yorkie, I can't say what the natural consequences would be for each of those examples because it would depend on the child. With my kids, Natural Consequences started when they were probably too young to reach the handle on the lawn mower, kwim? The only lawn mower they'd be touching would be the one they push around our backyard.

I think the huge mistake a lot of parents make is their lack of consistency and/or chasing the newest discipline fad they saw on Oprah. I use the name "Natural Consequences", but 20 odd years ago, when my son was young, we called it logic or common sense.
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 1:41 pm

the term natural consequencs is a lovely term,but in reality it relates to things like you forgot your mittens? Natural consequences would be you are going to have cold hands


I could go on and on but I won't


For some behaviours there are no natural consequences,so some form of discipline needs to be taken

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BigBrownEyes29
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 1:41 pm

I will admit when my kids where in the age range of 2 to 4 years old, I spanked. But it was rare when they got a spanking, and was for something that was harmful to them and they felt the need to repeat that action. I don't think you can reason with with a 2 or 3 year old, a 4 year old depending on the child maybe.

I take away privileges. My kids are not difficult, maybe because I spanked them when needed at 2 and 3 years of age. lol J/K I found at a certain age that removing privileges and grounding worked and was all that was needed.
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 1:54 pm

Such an interesting topic

I could make this interpretation..

All of these soft measures that parents take now a days could be the reason, most of the children are running around without a care in the world. Most of the reason we have gangs and way more violence.

It falls in the parents hands

First and foremost too many parents are trying to be " friends" with their kids. Too many parents are scared to take action due to the " soft" parents around.

Time outs do not work.

For every action their will be a consequence.

I am very tough on my children. THey know when mommy voice comes out.

Have I spanked. YUP. Do I always go for the spank. NOPE. Depending on the circumstance and what happened.

I believe in hard labor. My kids will scoop poop. My kids will clean. I find that by doing this. It teaches them alot more. Then a soft measure.

I find we are too busy trying to please our kids.. giving them the latest toys.. giving in to their wishes. Then teaching them morals and ethics. Time outs IMO do not work.

I have burned a toy in front of their eyes in our burning barral. Tough.. YUP.. ( tougher on my pocket book). But I will tell you, they have never thrown a toy and someone since.
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 1:58 pm

I agree Mini,the idea of sitting with a child who has just done the wrong thing and talking for hours is crap,they figure whew got away with it this time

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:03 pm

A little off topic, I remember when I was a kid, my mom spanked. If I even so much threatened to call CAS on her, she would threaten to pick up the phone and make the call for me. Shocked

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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:06 pm

guess my question to that would be were the spankings warranted?


I am not talking abuse here ,but I was spanked as a child and I think I grew up near normal.the only thing that really got hurt was my pride

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:06 pm

What if the behaviour the child is doing is dangerous behaviour? Does the other sibling deserve to lose an eye, because the child you've had to repeatedly put in time out and have talks to keeps throwing toys as a way to express his anger. Every child is different, so I'm not going to say that time outs don't work. But I feel and this is just me that there is a time for time outs and a time for spankings, and that would all depend on what the child did to warrant being disciplined.
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:07 pm

yorkiemom wrote:
the term natural consequencs is a lovely term,but in reality it relates to things like you forgot your mittens? Natural consequences would be you are going to have cold hands


I could go on and on but I won't


For some behaviours there are no natural consequences,so some form of discipline needs to be taken

There is always a natural consequence, it just gets more complicated as they get older. I'm not saying a chat, pat on the head and send them on their way. Parents need to ensure kids know (age appropriately) what they did, why they did it, and why it was the wrong decision.

I DID mention that I'm using the term that fits our discipline style, not choosing a frivolous fad because it's the new thing. Natural consequences can be used along with your choice, it's a learning method rather than a punishment.

Beats the heck out of a sibling? Spend some family time doing only what that sibling wants to do, what interests him the most. They need to see each other as humans, not punching bags, and develop some empathy.

Your child steals the neighbour's lawn mower, he mows their lawn with yours until he's earned enough to replace it.

Sneaks out at night, he can spend some quality time playing Yahtzee all night with a parent, preferably the one who spends the most sleepless nights waiting up for him/her.

Breaks another child's nose at school? This day and age that would be taken care of by the school and the police. Above and beyond that a chat to find out why he hit the kid, a written AND verbal apology.

But, as I said, depends on the child and the circumstances.

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:19 pm

UnhingedMom wrote:
yorkiemom wrote:
the term natural consequencs is a lovely term,but in reality it relates to things like you forgot your mittens? Natural consequences would be you are going to have cold hands


I could go on and on but I won't


For some behaviours there are no natural consequences,so some form of discipline needs to be taken

There is always a natural consequence, it just gets more complicated as they get older. I'm not saying a chat, pat on the head and send them on their way. Parents need to ensure kids know (age appropriately) what they did, why they did it, and why it was the wrong decision.

I DID mention that I'm using the term that fits our discipline style, not choosing a frivolous fad because it's the new thing. Natural consequences can be used along with your choice, it's a learning method rather than a punishment.

Beats the heck out of a sibling? Spend some family time doing only what that sibling wants to do, what interests him the most. They need to see each other as humans, not punching bags, and develop some empathy.

Your child steals the neighbour's lawn mower, he mows their lawn with yours until he's earned enough to replace it.

Sneaks out at night, he can spend some quality time playing Yahtzee all night with a parent, preferably the one who spends the most sleepless nights waiting up for him/her.

Breaks another child's nose at school? This day and age that would be taken care of by the school and the police. Above and beyond that a chat to find out why he hit the kid, a written AND verbal apology.

But, as I said, depends on the child and the circumstances.


I am going to disagree with some of these points.

I believe in theexamples you have given. You are rewarding the behavior.

IE, the child that beats the heck out of their sibling. Learns that they will get quality time and family time. If they bully their siblings.

Same with sneaks out at night.

IMHO, you are rewarding the behavior.. and not giving them a consequence to make them not want to repeat that action.
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:20 pm

Further more..

Learning method. When My kids get punished. It is not like we just punish and not have a conversation about what occured.

But to reward behavior... just constitutes a feeding ground for more negative behavior. I do believe it all should be age appropriate.

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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:23 pm

UnhingedMom wrote:
yorkiemom wrote:
the term natural consequencs is a lovely term,but in reality it relates to things like you forgot your mittens? Natural consequences would be you are going to have cold hands


I could go on and on but I won't


For some behaviours there are no natural consequences,so some form of discipline needs to be taken

There is always a natural consequence, it just gets more complicated as they get older. I'm not saying a chat, pat on the head and send them on their way. Parents need to ensure kids know (age appropriately) what they did, why they did it, and why it was the wrong decision.

I DID mention that I'm using the term that fits our discipline style, not choosing a frivolous fad because it's the new thing. Natural consequences can be used along with your choice, it's a learning method rather than a punishment.



Beats the heck out of a sibling? Spend some family time doing only what that sibling wants to do, what interests him the most. They need to see each other as humans, not punching bags, and develop some empathy.Now that sounds like a hell of a plan,the other sibling may not warm up to that idea

Your child steals the neighbour's lawn mower, he mows their lawn with yours until he's earned enough to replace it. Okay so now the kid gets to screw my lawn mower because of their behaviours

Sneaks out at night, he can spend some quality time playing Yahtzee all night with a parent, preferably the one who spends the most sleepless nights waiting up for him/her. That sounds like fun since I just did an all nighter waiting for the said child to come home

Breaks another child's nose at school? This day and age that would be taken care of by the school and the police. Above and beyond that a chat to find out why he hit the kid, a written AND verbal apology. So no punishment for that action at home?

But, as I said, depends on the child and the circumstances.


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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:25 pm

sorry my response did not show up in red like I thought it would

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:25 pm

Mini wrote:


I have burned a toy in front of their eyes in our burning barral. Tough.. YUP.. ( tougher on my pocket book). But I will tell you, they have never thrown a toy and someone since.

Lol I never had a burn bin but have thrown out a few hundred of dollars of toys in the trash mostly from the kids leaving them out after they were done playing with them if they werent put away they went in the trash, still happens these days just not very often.

I'm a firm believer in spanking, hell there are times at walmart I'm tempted to spank other peoples brats because they are running wild, throwing fits and mouthing off over being told no just for the parents to turn around and buy the thing to shut the kid up.
My kids have gotten a few spankings over the years, oldest even got a crack in the mouth the one time he swore in front of me, both learned from that crack not to swear near an adult.

My kids are older and know what and what they arent allowed to do, they get grounded, lose their rights to things and yep when they are being real pain in the asses a quick smack upside the head as a spank on the butt would just earn me an eye roll these days lol

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 2:43 pm

You know what I remember as a child.. Some of the most amazing and crafty punishments my parents came up with. I don't look on them as negative. But how those punishments I have learned from

The day I blew curfew and made my dad stay up to the wee hours in the morning... YUP.. I came home at 330 am. Was woken up at 430 am by a whistle ( dad was a hockey coach) Yup 430 am. I was scrubbing floors and working my butt off.. Never broke curfew again without calling..


First time- came home drunk.. Same thing .. Whistle in my face at early hours in the morning. Sicker then a dog. Dad poured me a rye and 7 up for breakfast.. And said drink it. Then sweated my butt off that day- pounding fence posts. Sicker then a dog.


Then my defiant years.. Where I thought it is my ROOM.. I don't have to clean it... Well.. Mom and Dad PACKED my whole room up. Put a big CLOSE sign on the door. To my amazement. My mattress was located under the dining room table. He said to me. " I have to provide a roof over your head, that doesn't mean I have to provide you with your own room.. Because it is MY ROOM. MY HOUSE.. and I pay the bills. Slept under the table for over a week. Company would come and ask.. Who's mattress was that. But after that I never... kept my room untidy again. Cause I respected that it was my room.. and could be taken away..

I could go on and on. I was spanked a couple of times. But they sure got creative as I hit the teenage years. ANd it worked. Because all the talking in the world. Wouldn't change how I perceived things as a rebelous teen ager.
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 3:07 pm

oh the good ole days mini

snuck out of my bedroom window,got back in no problem,this went on
for awhile,no one seemed to notice

Saturday night 10pm,getting ready to sneak out,damn window won't open,
my dad never said a word and what was I going to do?aks him why he nailed it
shut? Not likely LOL

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 3:16 pm

I just give them a good smack upside head..
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 5:04 pm

Mousey wrote:
I just give them a good smack upside head..

Works great on grown men too. Very Happy
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 5:23 pm

Men are used to it from being boys LOL bring out the skillet

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 6:27 pm

I'm not much of a spanker, but I will if needed. Jr. knows when Daddy isn't happy and it's usually taken care of without the need.

I do spank the wife however, but that's a different thread I think Very Happy .


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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 6:28 pm

do tell us about the wife spanking on this forum we can go off topic LMAO

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 6:30 pm

I'm not ruining the good debates miss key, I'd have to start a new thread. Smile

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