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Unhingedmom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 9:41 pm

Mini wrote:
You know what I remember as a child.. Some of the most amazing and crafty punishments my parents came up with. I don't look on them as negative. But how those punishments I have learned from

The day I blew curfew and made my dad stay up to the wee hours in the morning... YUP.. I came home at 330 am. Was woken up at 430 am by a whistle ( dad was a hockey coach) Yup 430 am. I was scrubbing floors and working my butt off.. Never broke curfew again without calling..


First time- came home drunk.. Same thing .. Whistle in my face at early hours in the morning. Sicker then a dog. Dad poured me a rye and 7 up for breakfast.. And said drink it. Then sweated my butt off that day- pounding fence posts. Sicker then a dog.


Then my defiant years.. Where I thought it is my ROOM.. I don't have to clean it... Well.. Mom and Dad PACKED my whole room up. Put a big CLOSE sign on the door. To my amazement. My mattress was located under the dining room table. He said to me. " I have to provide a roof over your head, that doesn't mean I have to provide you with your own room.. Because it is MY ROOM. MY HOUSE.. and I pay the bills. Slept under the table for over a week. Company would come and ask.. Who's mattress was that. But after that I never... kept my room untidy again. Cause I respected that it was my room.. and could be taken away..

I could go on and on. I was spanked a couple of times. But they sure got creative as I hit the teenage years. ANd it worked. Because all the talking in the world. Wouldn't change how I perceived things as a rebelous teen ager.

Those are fine examples of Natural Consequences. I'm writing a few of those down.....

As I said, hard for me to address the specific examples because it's just not something that would, or has, happened. I'd really like to know why a kid would steal the neighbour's lawn mower. I mean, steal your own so you don't have to mow the lawn, maybe. But what was the plan behind stealing the neighbours?

Anyway, my answers were off the top of my head and no, probably not memorable enough (obviously I'm not in mini's dad's league for creativeness, LOL). Again, depends on the child, the age, and the circumstances.
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Wed 18 Aug 2010, 10:50 pm

stealing the neighbors lawn mower was just off the top of my head

My point being some of the children today that have had NO discipline are out of control,so I was curious what other parents used for discipline

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smurry
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 11:38 am

Funny this was just brought up in a family discussion, I was not there but my sister in law said that I was too hard on my kids, she never disciplined her children and they are now 13 and 9, my other brother (different family) doesn't discipline very much either. This is part of the reason I am hard on my kids, my sister in law used to laugh at the naughty things my nephews would do when they were young, the other brother just tends to ignore his kids bad behaviour. Oh and neither of these families had bedtimes for their children. When I spoke about having kids I said the first thing my kids WILL have a bedtime, that is ridiculous. And my kids do have a bedtime, sometimes my son still comes out to ask a question but my answer to him is if he comes out one more time he will not do a certain thing he was looking forward to doing the very next day, and I stick to it, the next day when he asks to do that certain something I say no because you got out of bed after I said it was bedtime, it is working it's not near as often that he comes out after bedtime anymore.

We attended my cousins wedding back in July and everyone commented on how good they were, they were not running out of control and touching things they weren't supposed to. My husband has done a lot of Djing, weddings and socials and always comes home with a story about kids that are out of control while the parents sit back and laugh at it or totally ignore the bad behaviour.

Yes I have spanked my kids but as someone else has mentioned it's mostly when it is something dangerous, now that they are getting older and understand things better I tend to take priviledges away instead. It's (spanking) not often anymore but I do when it's warranted in my opinion. I never really used the time out punishment.

Sometimes I feel that I may be too hard on them but they do think twice before doing something. I always follow through with consequences so they know I'm serious when I say it the next time.

Just the other day we took my daughter to the hospital for her follow up with the doctor. While we were waiting in the room for the doctor to come in, my son looked at the light switch and asked "what does this do, does this turn off the lights?" I said yes, he touched the switch, looked at me, looked back at the switch and the door and said "if I do this then someone will open the door and spank my bum.....so I don't think I'm going to do that." Now yes that is not a big deal if he were to turn off the light and no I wouldn't have spanked him for that but it showed me that he knows what's expected of him. As mentioned I used to spank them more at a younger age but now especially with my son, taking priviledges away or taking toys away seems to work better as he understands. better now.

He's also getting really good at remembering to clean up his toys, the other day we were getting ready to go out and he said "oh I better clean up these 2 toys before we leave".

My sister in law says I'm too hard on my kids and that hers have turned out great without discipline and mentioned that my mom never really disciplined me and I turned out ok so she questions why I'm so hard on mine. She has never asked me directly and she never will.

My nephews and nieces are not affectionate to any family members (that hurts.. when your niece/nephew doesn't even say thanks with a hug or even when saying goodbye), and mine that are too disciplined in their eyes are the most affectionate out of all of them, we make sure we reward the good behaviour and give lots of love and affection. In my eyes they are well balanced kids. Good topic, sorry I got a little carried away in my post!!
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:09 pm

I am not big on rewarding for good behavior as I expect it,the same as they expect things from me

I have spanked,when needed,but find now that they are older it is better to take away a school dance than spank,at that point they actually ask for a spanking so they can go to the dance,so that tells me it is working


I was just curious to see how others handled their kids especially the pre teen and teens

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smurry
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:16 pm

Yeah I haven't gotten to the teen years, not really looking forward to that part but hopefully what I instill in them now will help for those years...I hope!!

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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:19 pm

The peer pressure is so much greater I find when they get to be teens,My policy with mine is to consistently be inconsistent

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Unhingedmom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:38 pm

I do reward good behaviour, but it has to be something exceptional, not expected behaviour. Just as with discipline, if you reward everything the reward becomes meaningless.

I used to know somebody who had an odd concept of discipline. We were instructed (and I do mean instructed, gah) to only take note of the good behaviour and to totally ignore the bad. This included the spoken word, no negative words allowed. You could not use the word "No", you were expected to explain why they shouldn't do what they were doing and suggest alternatives. You were not supposed to say, "Don't touch that", rather, "That may break, wouldn't you rather play with this?" (by that time the Doulton's hit the floor) and supply the alternative "toy". Even my kids thought it was really weird.

It was irritating and felt more like a social experiment than a family, you know?
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:40 pm

If I am going to reward,it would be for a job done above and beyond the expected,

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Unhingedmom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:51 pm

I tell you, if my kids get most of the ivy pulled off the side of the house while I'm at work, their reward will be to see me doing cartwheels down the driveway! Oh, and an all-expenses paid trip for ice cream.

I pulled some down today and something eight-legged ran one way, I ran the other. The job is officially delegated, LOL.
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yorkiemom
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 1:56 pm

My kids are more apt to get a day at the pool IF they do something besides their regular chores that I have not asked them to do and no that does not include something Like I put your towel down the laundry chute

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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 2:09 pm

yorkiemom wrote:
I am not big on rewarding for good behavior as I expect it,the same as they expect things from me


I don't reward good behavior, just never made sense to me once past the potty stage.
My sister on the other hand ignores the bad and rewards the good and hell the horror stories i can tell about her evil friggin demons :o

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ivegotfleas1
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 2:32 pm

UnhingedMom wrote:
I tell you, if my kids get most of the ivy pulled off the side of the house while I'm at work, their reward will be to see me doing cartwheels down the driveway! Oh, and an all-expenses paid trip for ice cream.

I pulled some down today and something eight-legged ran one way, I ran the other. The job is officially delegated, LOL.

I see that you're the "go big or go home" type. :lol:

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mcpug
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Thu 19 Aug 2010, 3:06 pm

BigBrownEyes29 wrote:
I will admit when my kids where in the age range of 2 to 4 years old, I spanked. But it was rare when they got a spanking, and was for something that was harmful to them and they felt the need to repeat that action. I don't think you can reason with with a 2 or 3 year old, a 4 year old depending on the child maybe.

I take away privileges. My kids are not difficult, maybe because I spanked them when needed at 2 and 3 years of age. lol J/K I found at a certain age that removing privileges and grounding worked and was all that was needed.

I do the same thing with my boys, sometimes they are doing something so dangerous that then need either a spanking or a slap on the hand (ie turning on stove, climbing in window, running onto a busy road).

But I also use time outs, they work for me so far. I also am a fan of natural consequences, for me it works well because there are 2 kids the same age, as long as they are not hurting themselves, someone else or damaging property I will usually let them try and work it out on their own and if not I will step in. What works really well though for me is lots or praise for the twin who is doing something correctly, if you praise them like mad then the other one will follow, or if one is doing something naughty I sometimes threaten to give his brother something special and that works too lol.

My oldest who is 11 soon to be 12 (I can't believe it OMG) but he is pretty good there is not much there to correct him especially compared to his brothers, but usually just taking extras away or time in his room alone if anything.
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PostSubject: Re: children and discipline   Fri 20 Aug 2010, 9:57 am

Right now my son is 2 (well 3 in Sept) so a time out in his room is all I need until he calms down (he hates being locked in his room) my daughter is 7 and either a grounding or take away her DSi or Wii.
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