My jokes don't look

If you think of a better caption I can put them on for you

OMG,I love the dog food diet one Thanks for the chuckle today

You cant beat the intelligence of people.lol

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.He decides to test it at dinner.

Dad:Son,Where were you during school hours?


Son AT school Robot 
Son OK I went to the movies
Dad Which one ?
Son Toy story Robot 
Son OK it was day with a pornstar

Dad What when I was your age I didn't even know what porn was Robot  
Mom HaHaHa after all he's your son Robot 

what does that say ?

In case anyone ever wondered just what was he thinking?



This sums it up

Ok I'm going to be looking through my joke files.And post the best of the best sorry if you've read them already.


Dead Cow Lecture

Quote :

This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard.
First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked a them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Yourkiedadeh wrote:

Ok I'm going to be looking through my joke files.And post the best of the best sorry if you've read them already.


Dead Cow Lecture

Quote :

This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard.
First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked a them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

funny

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between grandmothers and grandfathers? Well, here it is:
 
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his daughter's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time--just him and his granddaughter.
 
One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.
 
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather, who was still in bed.
 
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" he asked.
 
"Oh, yes, Granpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, piece of crap, horse's ass, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim goat humper, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"
 
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

BigBrownEyes29 wrote:

Miss Kentucky

Make-up and hair style ................... $500
New outfit for the show ....................$1200
Giant stuffed bear ............................$300

Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in her hand .....

Priceless!!!

The photo is really Kylie Minogue but still pretty funny.
Kylie Minogue’s bear-ly legal photo banned from Facebook

Yourkiedadeh wrote:

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between grandmothers and grandfathers? Well, here it is:
 
There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his daughter's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time--just him and his granddaughter.
 
One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.
 
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather, who was still in bed.
 
"Well, did you enjoy your ride with Grandma?" he asked.
 
"Oh, yes, Granpa, it was really wonderful. We didn't see a single asshole, piece of crap, horse's ass, blind bastard, dipshit, Muslim goat humper, or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"
 
Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

my favourite