What makes a marriage work?

Yesterday evening, we had a good evening. We had some friends over and they were from " our military " family. Some of the couples have been together and some have just started out on their journey.

A topic of discussion that came up. Is how do we make it work? This questions was posed to Dennis and I. More so because we have alot of animals and kids and with him being away ect....

The young couple that was just starting out was interested in how we have Lasted.. Through tours.. PTSD.. postings.. ect.. There is a high divorce rate in the military. But I don't think it is different then every other marriage in the world. We have some differences but I do belive it takes the same amount of work that goes into all marriages.

So how do you make your marriages/ relationships work. I think this could be an interesting thread. I would like to then put out some differences in our lifes compared to other lives. Even though they can be truley the same differences just with a little salt pitched in.

I will start.

The first thing I will always say. Is Independence. As a Military Spouse. You need to be independent more so then other marriages. But I think even in all marriages you need to have independence. Things that you like to do and what make you who you are.

TRUST was my key issue in my marriage,Friendship was the other,I could be as independent as I personally chose to be

As all of you know that knew me when I was in Canada,my husband was my best friend,and confidante,I could tell him anything,as he could me.

Trust is a very good word and a one of the foundations of any Marriage. WIthout Trust what do you have left.

In our life. Hubby has to trust that when he goes away for months at a time. I aint running into someones elses arms. Plus in the miltary it is a known fact when on decompression leave. ALot of the military personal are not faithful.

I will explain the role of independence in our lifes. I have to not rely on Dennis for anything. I know that sounds so terribly wrong. But you never know what tomorrow brings.. LMFAO. He could be bugged out and gone within 12 hours or less notice. SO planning ahead isn't something we usually do. However, independene is a vital role in the miltary relationship Because you need to be able to stand and not rely on your spouse at any given time

I think though we have to decipher the word independence

for me it was the fact that Bryan made sure I knew how to do things on the acreage,I depended on him for many things,but not because I didn't
know how to do it,but because it was easier to let him change the tires or cut up the firewood LOL

To many people view independence as i can go where I want to go,do what I want to do when I want. For my part that is not independence but a lack of commitment

I have never been able to accept a codependence

yorkiemom wrote:

I think though we have to decipher the word independence

for me it was the fact that Bryan made sure I knew how to do things on the acreage,I depended on him for many things,but not because I didn't
know how to do it,but because it was easier to let him change the tires or cut up the firewood LOL

To many people view independence as i can go where I want to go,do what I want to do when I want. For my part that is not independence but a lack of commitment

I have never been able to accept a codependence

You are right I agree with your definition.

As a military spouse ..You have to be independent like you mentioned yorkie. Changing tires .. fixing fences. Dealing with everyday life decision on your own because your significant other may or may not be their to help you with those decisions.


One main difference and I do believe is why alot of military relationships fail and breakdown. Is the fact that alot of people can not accept or learn to deal with it. You are not the priority in your spouses life.

Country comes before all in your relationship. THis is a hard thing to overcome. Because when you love someone. you want to be the number one priority and in the military you are not. That is just my opinion. I feel sorry for all new relationships. It is great when they are home. But when they are called away.. it is hard on the other person. Because they miss birthdays... birth of kids.. holidays ect.... This is where my term independence comes into play. As a spouse with children. You can't focus on the fact that the love of your life isn't around. You can't sit by the phone in hopes you get a call. You carry on and live your life.

I said last night. It is like being a single mom and dad/mom visits from time to time.

I can see where you come from Mini

I am grateful that I do not and have not ever been codependent I proved to myself that after Bryan I could and did live on the acreage,look after my kids,do my breeding program on my own.


Often see women who know nothing more than the key goes in the hole thingy and starts the car.

Ear plugs.....

Mousey wrote:

Ear plugs.....

When you are married to a drummer like me, yes, ear plugs are a must.

Love makes a marriage work of course. There are lots of times when I just don't like him and vice versa but I still love him.

Compromise, trust and RESPECT!! Took us a long time to learn these lessons

yorkiemom wrote:

Often see women who know nothing more than the key goes in the hole thingy and starts the car.

and then you step on the thingy's under your feet....


right?

something like that snitty LOl

yorkiemom wrote:

something like that snitty LOl

Phew! Wasnt sure if I'd get that one right! :lol:

My take on what makes a marriage work.. as a never married person :lol:

A lot of fighting, sex and nights at bingo in any order toss in drinking if that helps ...and knowing when its better to walk away instead of being unhappy even if it takes you 16 yrs to figure it out.

Honestly I don't think I'd be able to be with someone I wouldn't be able to depend on to be there if needed him, even if it was just to change a tire so guess soldiers can just be play toys for me off to raid mousey's friends list!!

Nope that is when you have AMA or whatever it is called there they come and take care of it LOL

Kewl Chick wrote:

Compromise, trust and RESPECT!! Took us a long time to learn these lessons

+1

(except in this order for me......Respect, trust and COMPROMISE! ) :lol:

Say this a lot......"yes dear".

you are getting close Fleas