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 Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)

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ivegotfleas1
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PostSubject: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:32 pm

I miss that old thread, it's time for a rebirth! I will post all my stupid things in here to help you avoid them. :lol:


Who knew Matt Damons middle name was Paige????

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:35 pm

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:37 pm

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:40 pm

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:47 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:50 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 6:57 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:00 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:03 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:05 pm

I am glad you restarted it,

Now if the damn mods don't delete it like they did on the OTHER forum :lol:

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:05 pm

Needed a way to get the people smiling a bit!



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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:06 pm

yorkiemom wrote:
I am glad you restarted it,

Now if the damn mods don't delete it like they did on the OTHER forum :lol:


Down with the mods!!!!! Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:08 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:10 pm


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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:11 pm

Made me smile to just see the title of the thread,and God knows it has been awhile since I even cracked a smile,


Thank You Fleas

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:23 pm

TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:24 pm

TOP TEN THINGS WOMEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP AND HAD A PENIS FOR A DAY...

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:24 pm

yorkiemom wrote:
Made me smile to just see the title of the thread,and God knows it has been awhile since I even cracked a smile,


Thank You Fleas

You're welcome miss key. It's what I'm here for since I have no pets. Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:32 pm

TOP TEN LIST OF PUT DOWNS TO MEN

1. Please don't talk to my breasts. You won't be meeting them.

2. If you want to control someone, sleep with your remote.

3. I always choose chocolate over men. ALWAYS

4. 51% love goddess...49% bitch. Care to push your luck?

5. My sexual preference is NO

6. My body is my temple, now get on your knees and pray.

7. It's not the size that counts, it's...no, wait, size does count.

8. Remember men, girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice.

9. Men are like hardwood floors, lay them right the first time and you
can walk all over them forever.

10. Save your breath for you inflatable date.

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:39 pm

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:45 pm

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 7:47 pm

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 8:31 pm

Giggle
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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 9:01 pm

ivegotfleas1 wrote:

And of course it has to be a GSD. Ughh these dogs.

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PostSubject: Re: Don't forget your keys thread! (and movie game)   Thu 14 Jul 2011, 10:29 pm

Very Happy

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