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 Hands are not for Hitting

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Mini
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Join date : 2009-10-19
Age : 42

PostSubject: Hands are not for Hitting   Tue 01 Dec 2009, 12:40 pm

So Last week my daughter brought home some information from a course that they brought into their school. It had to deal with bullies... and anger management.

I agree their are alot of good information in these packages. However, I do have some major concerns in how our school ( not sure all schools are handling bullying)

I also have an issue how they are teaching our kids to handle anger management. I wrote a letter to her teacher on this and had a lenghthy conversation with her on Sunday.I do like our small school system as we have our teachers home numbers and we are always communicating to them. Which is great.

So here are my issues..

Lets talk the anger issue. They are not teaching the kids to use their words to talk about how they feel. No they gave them examples on what to do....

If you are angry, get up.. stomp your feet do the angry dance. Another example... get a piece of paper.. rip it up and throw it around on the ground. If you are home, go grab some towels and throw them around. In this training package not once did they say communicate your feelings use your words. No, they give actions of what to do. They are teaching them to use temper tantrums to communicate their feelings instead of teaching them, it is okay to be angry but lets use our words and communicate those feelings. In the discussion with the teacher, she did say that they don't have much say in these programs as they bring in outside factors. You need to understand this was brought in for kindergarden to grade 4. Now I do understand these methods for toddlers who do not yet know, how to communicate their feelings. But to teach older kids to do actions instead of using their words to communicate is simply wrong. In my mind you are teaching them to have temper tantrums. The teacher did agree. She said if she was in front of the class then if some students were upset with her, she wouldn't want 4 of them to get up and do the angry dance. She would want them to talk to her.


Now my 2nd pet peeve. Now I do understand some of you may disagree with me. But I raise my children to be assertive. I raise them to stand up for people and themselves. Let me give you an example. If My child is being hit ( bullied) If she gets hit and falls. I tell her to get on her feet. Tell the bully I do not like that you are hitting me. Can you please stop. She is not to use her hands. If the bully hits her again. She is to stand up once again and use her words. But if they person continues to hurt her and will not listen to her words. I have told her to fight back. She is not to be walked on. We have also taught her to yes go tell a supervisor or an adult.

In this package. If they are getting hit or bullied. They are to run away. They are to RUN away. Yes that is exactly how it is printed. They are to run and find an adult. FInding an adult and telling them is what I do agree with. But I do not believe that they turn their back and run away.

Now, here are my thoughts. Most bullies prey apon the weak. If that child runs away, they will have that target on their back. Telling an adult is not changing the behavior. It is not teaching that child to stand up and use their voice. In my opinion it is teaching our children to run. And I do not think this is the proper way to deal with bullies. Do I believe that they should fight back. No, I use the 3 strikes your out rule with my children. THey know to use their voices and communicate first. The 3 strike rule is for physical bully attacks. Not the name calling. In regards to name calling. They still use their words. They do not call them names ever. They will use their voices and stand there and talk and communicate

Yes they are taught to tell an adult. But I am a firm believer in them being assertive and standing their ground. I also teach my children to help others with their voice. An example if another little child is being bullied. They are to help. They are to use their voices and help that child. Yes they need to communicate to an adult. But they are not ignore that bullie and that child and walk away.

I told the teacher, that if we don't teach our children how to stand up ( not physical ways) then bullying will always be there. It doesn't matter if you RUN and tell an adult. That child needs to be assertive ( I know not all kids can be- I understand that) but Running away.. does not solve the problems. I believe it teaching our kids.. to run. Not just in bullying but if life presents problems RUN away. Don't communicate and try to use their voice. Running is easier to do then standing up and using their voices..


Thoughts?
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Mini
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PostSubject: Re: Hands are not for Hitting   Tue 01 Dec 2009, 12:50 pm

oh and I should add these are for little kids..

When you get into the teenage years with guns and knifes. It is a whole new ball game. But communication still should be apart of that. I have my thoughts on bullies in this age group as well..
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PostSubject: Re: Hands are not for Hitting   Tue 01 Dec 2009, 9:09 pm

OK, I'm going to respond to this even though I probably should keep my fingers closed so to speak as, I'm not nor ever will be a mom. (45 yrs old).

I think you have some very valid points Mini. I would not want to teach my child to be a pushed around, which I fear is what they would learn, My parents (did their best with the tools they had at the time) taught not to say shit because you're a girl, don't make trouble etc. To this day I'm torn between the semi assertive bitch that I turned out to be & the meek, weak, please help me mister that I was sort of raised to be.

Words are definitely better than violence, & I like how you stated that you teach to try words several times. I may go a little farther with the next thought than you. My mom was hit, & I've been hit. I have to say I would, after words have been tried several times against the bully - stand up swinging - don't take that kind of crap from anyone - if it's girl against guy (bully) or tiny against large - grab a lamp or whatever's handy to defend yourself. Now I do realize your talking about younger children, so yes I'd try to tone it down to age appropriate ideas but I would not want to teach turn & run at any age. To me that would instill no self esteem whatsoever.

I also have to add that I have serious doubts about this whole zero tolerance for violence in schools today. When we were kids we got into shoving matches & gave each other black eyes at most. OK, maybe a few noses were broken. My point is we got the aggression out & out of our system without resorting to knives & guns. Most of us also learned at a later age how to deal with these aggressive feelings without resorting to knives & guns. I feel there is a pretty good chance that the "zero tolerance" in early school is directly contributing to the incredible violence some teens are responsible for. How many of us that are of the age when school yard scraps were a once a month occurrence can ever remember any teens using guns or knives? Do you remember any incidences where a group of teens ganged up & beat someone to death?

Again I want to say that I don't think violence is the answer but until we figure out a really way to teach all people not just all kids to effectively communicate & not harbor resentment & vengeful feelings when they do lose an argument, or lose out on a job, or are humiliated etc - maybe the simple black eye wasn't such a bad thing.
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