OK, I'm going to respond to this even though I probably should keep my fingers closed so to speak as, I'm not nor ever will be a mom. (45 yrs old).
I think you have some very valid points Mini. I would not want to teach my child to be a pushed around, which I fear is what they would learn, My parents (did their best with the tools they had at the time) taught not to say shit because you're a girl, don't make trouble etc. To this day I'm torn between the semi assertive bitch that I turned out to be & the meek, weak, please help me mister that I was sort of raised to be.
Words are definitely better than violence, & I like how you stated that you teach to try words several times. I may go a little farther with the next thought than you. My mom was hit, & I've been hit. I have to say I would, after words have been tried several times against the bully - stand up swinging - don't take that kind of crap from anyone - if it's girl against guy (bully) or tiny against large - grab a lamp or whatever's handy to defend yourself. Now I do realize your talking about younger children, so yes I'd try to tone it down to age appropriate ideas but I would not want to teach turn & run at any age. To me that would instill no self esteem whatsoever.
I also have to add that I have serious doubts about this whole zero tolerance for violence in schools today. When we were kids we got into shoving matches & gave each other black eyes at most. OK, maybe a few noses were broken. My point is we got the aggression out & out of our system without resorting to knives & guns. Most of us also learned at a later age how to deal with these aggressive feelings without resorting to knives & guns. I feel there is a pretty good chance that the "zero tolerance" in early school is directly contributing to the incredible violence some teens are responsible for. How many of us that are of the age when school yard scraps were a once a month occurrence can ever remember any teens using guns or knives? Do you remember any incidences where a group of teens ganged up & beat someone to death?
Again I want to say that I don't think violence is the answer but until we figure out a really way to teach all people not just all kids to effectively communicate & not harbor resentment & vengeful feelings when they do lose an argument, or lose out on a job, or are humiliated etc - maybe the simple black eye wasn't such a bad thing.