Crying and shtuff

Okay I have a question, do you cry?

I haven't cried for at least 20 years maybe longer. I feel emotions, not even remotely depressed or numb, actually feeling really nifty and all. Just can't cry. My wife thinks I'm abnormal or holding everything in. But really that's not it at all. I feel loss, pain, happiness, boredom, horniness, and all those other fine and cool emotions. I'll even talk about things that are upsetting, like my Gran dying last month really was upsetting, but there are no tears. It's not the tear ducts either, cause a slight wind make the eyes water.

I hear that other men can cry when they are sad, and I see women cry all the time. What's the big deal, isn't it enough to feel sad when something sad happens, without having to cry?

What makes you cry?

There's supposed to be chemicals that are released from crying that make you feel better.

Does crying make you feel better or make the pain go away?

It certainly does not make the pain go away,if that were the case I would be pain free after the last 5 years. It does however release some of the stress from whatever is going on in your life

I don't think it is abnormal for a man not to cry,they have different emotions than women do,and yes I have seen men cry,but damn they can suck it up in a hurry

sorry to hear about your grandma Jimmy

dr_strange,

Sorry about your Gran.

I do cry.
I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you if you don't cry.
Everyone handles sad events differently.

I was at a funeral years ago where the whole family busted out laughing.
They were really nice people but that is just how they reacted to their loved one dying.(I think it was a coping mechanism at the time)
I was thinking" how inappropriate this is...but it wasn't.
The tears might have come later for them, maybe in private and maybe not at all.
It doesn't lessen how they all felt for their loved one.
Nobody was prepared for his death, he wasn't sick.(he fell on ice and froze to death)

When my husband's father died, he did not cry.
He was beyond upset but no tears.
I talked to him about this and he told me that he did cry at night alone.

I'm rambling dr- sorry.
I think you need to to what is right for you.

My mom used to tell me that crying "washes the hurt out of your soul."
I believe her.

I hope some of that made sense.

Take care.

sad about your gran, I am very close with mine (she is turning 80 in June) and I don't know what I would do without her.

Having said that I do not cry out of sadness either, I have cried because I was extremely frustrated but not sad.

My cousin who is very close with me tried to kill himself by shooting himself in the mouth, he survived but I can remember being up at the hospital while he was having surgery after surgery to fix his face (his bottom jaw is now metal because the bullet bounced off his palate and ended up going down instead of up thank god) but I didn't cry and was really the only family member who could keep my composure, a lot of people couldn't take it and tried to avoid the situation but I was in there like a dirty shirt offering support and just being there...... I can remember sitting with my mom while she balled and balled and not a tear from me.

Its an individual thing I guess, like how some people smile or smerk at odd times like if someone is yelling at you or at a funeral when you are not sure which emotion you want to express (I know because I am one of those people, it can make a situation very awkward)

I'd be willing to bet that the "real men don't cry" bs that we get fed has some affect on our crying "ability". I'm definitely not big on crying, but it happens now and again.

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your Gran.

Do I cry? Sure over the death of a close family member or friend, and pet.

I cry. I find a release in it.

I cried this afternoon, reading my son a library book. The book is called 14 Cows for America. At the end of the book there was a message from the author (from Kenya) about how he was the boy in the story, and when he was growing up his mom was poor and could not afford a cow. I am telling you, I could not finish reading it, I was so sad for this mom in Kenya struggling to raise her son, as I am reading a story and cuddling with my son. Geez, the tears are coming now just thinking about it! I just shared this to show you how easily the tears can come for some people. And the tears make me feel good, not bad.

My crying is for certain things only though - any thoughts of any harm coming to my kids, struggling families, hungry kids, kids with sickness like cancer. The crying is usually very short lived - under a few minutes. I have not cried for people dying, including my own dad. I think I have a bit of a block for dealing with the death of loved ones, and also do not talk about it. My dad died 10 years ago and I have never had a real talk about it, or about my feelings, with the rest of my siblings/mom. I guess our family was always a bit Victorian in that sense, never got "real" discussing feelings.

Maybe you did not allow yourself to cry as a boy for whatever reason and it has stuck with you. I always talk about feelings with my kids and just rock them as soon as there are any tears, never any judgement and I do not tell them to stop crying. I feel that is the best way, even when I know I am being judged negatively by outsiders for providing the comfort.

I'm not much of an emotional person in comparison to a lot of people I know and love. Anger is my downfall, I don't usually cry but if I get really frustrated I tend to tackle shit I hate doing by doing things physical...so mad one day when my dream 2 week old filly, the one that a breeder waits for that's the perfection in their/my view went septic and nothing saved her after all of the days of things things tried, many vets called in and days of trying everything. She died about 30 seconds before I could attach the last bag of IV fluid and I did CPR and she came back enough, or didn't, enough to release her bladder and I saw the lights go out of her eyes forever. My reaction was to saddle up a mare that I was training who had injured one of my trainer/students the week before by rearing up and over and landing them both upside down. My state of mind was to challenge her to try and fuck up like that again. I rode her ass off and she was perfect, I think she knew.

When my brother was killed I was messed up and I again dealt by tackling all of the weeds in the garden and yelling a lot at the universe and the shit that gets handed to me by it. Sky screaming I find good therapy. I shed a tear or two when I'm laughing too hard which is often and sometimes when I'm witnessing amazing, to me, feats of winning by my animals in the show ring, kids achievements, and one thing that really surprised me was how very upset I was when that dog video being throw off the bridge affected me. Guess reading over what I wrote, I may be a tad more emotional than I thought.

I've been with hubby 24 years, the only time I saw him cry was when we had to put our rotti down.

jamn53 wrote:

I've been with hubby 24 years, the only time I saw him cry was when we had to put our rotti down.

Sorry jamn.......couldn't help but laugh at that!

On one hand it's sweet......on the other it's .....hunhhh???

After reading the replies I started to look at our family as a whole. Two kids academics like their dad, the other two were fly by the seat of their pants, like their mom. Dad and the 'brainiacs' are very controlled, analytical and tear free. On the other hand, myself and the other two are very quick to show emotion......and the tears come very easily.

I think in some cases it has to do with a person's upbringing (boys don't cry!!) while in others it more a case of individual nature. The most important part in either case is what's going on inside.

I'm sorry for your loss. I too was very close to my (maternal) grandparents and losing them was heartbreaking.

I never used to be a particularly emotional person, but over the years and especially after having my son, I'm quite prone to tears over certain things. I can't say it makes me feel better perse, and if it does it feels more like exhaustion.

rottnmom wrote:

jamn53 wrote:

I've been with hubby 24 years, the only time I saw him cry was when we had to put our rotti down.

Sorry jamn.......couldn't help but laugh at that!

On one hand it's sweet......on the other it's .....hunhhh???

After reading the replies I started to look at our family as a whole. Two kids academics like their dad, the other two were fly by the seat of their pants, like their mom. Dad and the 'brainiacs' are very controlled, analytical and tear free. On the other hand, myself and the other two are very quick to show emotion......and the tears come very easily.

I think in some cases it has to do with a person's upbringing (boys don't cry!!) while in others it more a case of individual nature. The most important part in either case is what's going on inside.

I wrote that this morning before work and realized that he does tear up at sad movies too, he is just a big suck really, just like the rotti.

dr_strange wrote:

Okay I have a question, do you cry? Yes, I do.

I haven't cried for at least 20 years maybe longer. I feel emotions, not even remotely depressed or numb, actually feeling really nifty and all. Just can't cry. My wife thinks I'm abnormal or holding everything in. But really that's not it at all. I feel loss, pain, happiness, boredom, horniness, and all those other fine and cool emotions. I'll even talk about things that are upsetting, like my Gran dying last month really was upsetting, but there are no tears. It's not the tear ducts either, cause a slight wind make the eyes water.

I hear that other men can cry when they are sad, and I see women cry all the time. What's the big deal, isn't it enough to feel sad when something sad happens, without having to cry?

I know I can't help it if I cry so maybe just being sad is not enough for me.

What makes you cry?
Death. Someone that I love getting physically hurt and even getting so angry that they scream at someone. Reading a story or watching a show where someone was abused or neglected. Especially folks who grew up with nothing and I mean NOTHING... That really rips me apart. I also cry happy tears. A new life! And even laughing so hard I have cried.

There's supposed to be chemicals that are released from crying that make you feel better.

Does crying make you feel better or make the pain go away?

I don't think it makes the pain go away, but the thought never crossed my mind if crying makes me feel better.

Great Jimmy, now I have to think ... ;) Thanks buddy.

dr_strange wrote:

Okay I have a question, do you cry?

YES


I haven't cried for at least 20 years maybe longer. I feel emotions, not even remotely depressed or numb, actually feeling really nifty and all. Just can't cry. My wife thinks I'm abnormal or holding everything in. But really that's not it at all. I feel loss, pain, happiness, boredom, horniness, and all those other fine and cool emotions. I'll even talk about things that are upsetting, like my Gran dying last month really was upsetting, but there are no tears. It's not the tear ducts either, cause a slight wind make the eyes water.

I hear that other men can cry when they are sad, and I see women cry all the time. What's the big deal, isn't it enough to feel sad when something sad happens, without having to cry?

SOMETIMES

What makes you cry?

CHILDREN BEING ABUSED,MURDERED,

There's supposed to be chemicals that are released from crying that make you feel better.

Does crying make you feel better or make the pain go away?

NO

I'd like to cry, it's been a shitty year. And it's just getting worse. Maybe I'm just numb from all the shit that's been happening to people around me and all the shit that's happening to me.

Sorry for posting and running, it's just too crazy to take the time to chat right now.

sorry you have had such a crap year Jimmy,I wish only the best of everything for you,because you don't cry it doesn't mean that you are not a sensitive person

Hey Jimmy,

It's been forever since you have been on and I am wondering how you are doing! I hope you are well. Please come back and visit us!!

just been really busy, things are kind of strained around here, hopefully it will all calm down and life will go back to the way it was.

Thanks for thinking of me

Thanks for posting, it has been forever since we seen you around these parts and the other day your name came up and I wanted to see if you were ok, I remember things being shitty for you. I hope things get back to normal soon...whatever normal is! Take Care and thanks for the reply!!!

Glad you popped in for a minute Jimmy,hope things settle down for you soon

I see you down there,come and say HI Please

Hi Jimmy.

I hope you get a chance to see this Jimmy!!

https://kibblesandbits.forumotion.net/t1876-happy-birthday