Farm funnies...............

Okay so I will start things off.. so you all can get your laughs at me... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

First of all... I swear all of my animals have identitiy issues...... Iwill tell you some stories that I didn't post on kijiji or on my blog...

Lets start with

Grass surfing with momma cow..... HA HA HA AH

Okay so you have to picture this.. I am 8 months prego. Hubby wasn't home. Can't remember where he was... Anyways Angel ( or momma cow) escaped from the her pasture in our bush. She has done this before.. and usually just grab a bucket of oats and she will follow you everywhere.. Ya.. not this time.

But do you think she would co operate.. HMM NOPE. So I got close enough to put one of my Bigger halters on her (when I had the big guys) lol.. So I put a lead rope on her. Hmm never try to lead a cow that has never been lead. Momma cow takes off running through the bush. May I add, it is very dense BUSH. Oh and I am still hanging on. Yup I was pregnant grass surfing in the bush. ( REALLY STUPID BTW) So finally brain cells kicked in.. and I dropped the lead rope. How the heck do I get that stupid cow into a pasture. Yup at that point I was thinking about all the steak dinners she would make me... LOL

So I have read that people use donkeys to lead train bulls. Now I have never attempted this. BUt I do know the power that honkey ( my standard donkey has) so I haltered honkey and brought him into the bush. Momma cow was standing around eating.. with the lead rope still attached. Slowly grabbed her lead rope and tied her to honkey. NOw honkey is like a big dog. If you have a carrot or a bucket.. that boy will follow you anywhere... LOL.

So I started walking- I didn't have a lead rope on honkey and litterally I was hoping this would work and not cause a bigger mess then I was currently in. I had a bucket. Honkey started following. MOmma cow wasn't co operating. honkey dropped his head and kept pulling. He was determined to get his treats and this cow wasn't standing in his way LOL.. I kept walking.. Honkey kept pulling. I guess him being a stuborn Jackass helped out. After several of mins of honkey litterally pulling this 900 lb cow. She gave in and walked behind him. Yeah... my plan worked.. But don't try this at home... LMAO

So got momma cow into my front pasture. Left the halter on her. Waited for hubby to come home to fix the fence. Cause at least he could do something after my daring rescue.. LMAO

BUt I learned the power of a donkey.. Holy cow... is all I can say.....

I will add some more stories..............Need to grab a cup of coffee... most of my plans were halted today.. because yup.. It is rainning... HA HA HA.. drought all summer and finally it is raining. I have to clean the pastures with the quad..

lmao thats too funny

Very Cute - Yes Donkeys are excellent for halter breaking a bull, a 2000 pound bull is no match for the stubborn streak a donkey has - bull has no choice but to follow donkey where ever donkey goes - or get dragged along behind. When you say "clean the pasture with the Quad" I take it that means something other than " Poopie Scooping" I had an interesting situation couple years back - which is both amusing and embarressing. I live out in the middle of nowhere - 5 miles to closest neighbor - and usually when people come they phone ahead to see if I'm home. During portions of the summer I have a barb wire gate across the road, because I let the cows out to graze the grass along my private access road. I'm sure most can relate how horridly hot it gets in Sask/Man during August, you add the humidity on to than and it can be unbearable. This one Sunday it was very hot and humid, the cows were grazing along the road so the gate was closed, and I decide to wash the kitchen floor (wearing nothing more than a jock strap) since the floor had a build up of dirt in a few places it was necessary to scrub same with a brush and scouring pad on my hands and knees. Coming to the end of this distasteful task I am on my hands and knees backing out the patio doors scrubbing as I go, I back onto the deck, stand up, turn around to go back inside through the other door, and there they were 3 feet in front of me, Husband, Wife and their two kids, each with Bible in Hand. There I am nothing more than basically a fig leaf covering my privates, I very kindly said hello - suggested it was a warm day, they agreed, advised they had stopped by to leave me some magazines to read at my leisure, they then made their exit and I've never seen them since.

OH my that was funny, mcauley.. You are just as bad as I am.... I was running through my pastures.. naked from the waist up... ( I don't think anyone seen me though) Used my shirt and my bra to fix fencing.. ( only thing I had on me that did the trick) Bras are great things... very handy in a pinch.. LOL



LOL.. we bought a bucket for the quad.. So much easier to clean poop in my winter pens. Have my lean toos ( are for minis) lol.. and the quad and the bucket work great..... Kind of lazy for picking up poop. Alpacas use a dung pile. It burns the grass. So the quad and the bucket help with picking this up.

When my first child was born, my grandmother (age 70) can down to visit her first great grandchild for a week. She being a typicial farm wife always got up at 5:00 am each and every day. Since this was the weekend and I didn't have to go to work, the wife and I slept in until 6:30 am, just before 6:00 am I got a phone call from the neighbor to see if my wife was OK, well of course she's OK why I asked - he was coming home from checking his cows and noticed a woman running up my driveway to the main road in her nightgown carrying a gun with the yard dogs just a few feet behind her - out of bed I flew and looked out the window to see gramma coming back towards the house, with gun and dogs in tow - what the neighbor didn't see was the skunk running in the long grass in the ditch next to my driveway - my grandmother happen to notice it, grabbed the gun from above the door and off she went - amd yes she did shoot it. Then there was the halloween some of the neighbors kids snuck into the small pasture next to the house (we used the small pasture for the milk cows at night so we wouldn't have to go looking for them in the morning) and tied a rope with a bunch of cans attached to the end onto Bambi's (name of cow) tail - had one hell of a time next morning catching her so I could take the cans off. Everytime she moved those cans would rattle by her back feet and she'd take off. Then there was the time I had to deal with a drunk bear and her cub - I never pick the crab apples off the two old trees we have in the orchard because they are to small, most of them had fallen to the ground and fermented in the heat - sometime during the night this brown bear wondered in with her cub and filled up on same, by morning she was tipsey turby - she'd walk a few feet then fall over - I noticed her trying to leave the orchard on the way to the barn - the dogs also noticed her at the same time they worked on moving that bear away from the buildings for almost 2 hours before giving up and coming home to let her and the cub leave at their own rate of speed. She and the cub were gone by nightfall and have never returned. Probabily remembers the hang over effects and decided it wasn't worth it.

This isn't really a farm funny, but I loved this commercial....

Okay, I was going to post this one a couple of weeks ago.. BUt I thought I solved the problem.. but alas I did not..


Be Smarter THEN THE DUCK..



When spice went down ( horse) we had to give her shots. Hubby and I went out one night. and our duck was out of the pen walking around the house. Damn duck.. How the heck did she get out. Keep in mind I swear she doesn't think she is a duck... So I am running around trying to get this duck. Now this is a feat in itself... Hubby the whole time laughing at me.. Playing catch the duck who doesn't want to be caught. So finally I catch this stupid duck. Because I am thinking.. if you are outside the pen.. You are a sitting duck for predators.. The pyrs are in the pen to protect you.

So I thought quackers was getting out from a corner of the pen. So I make a temp.. Block to block that corner.. Because it is 11 at night. Hubby was just laughing at me.. Damn man.. infuriates me sometimes...

So I thought I fixed the problem.. Yeah right.. So the next morning I get up... and go outside and let Bosco outside. ( we are crate trainning him) What the heck is in my drive way.. swimming in one of our pot holes. My frickin DUCK. So here I am.. In jammies.. Nothing on my feet... Yelling after Bosco.. LEAVE IT.. LEAVE IT... As quackers, swims calmly in her stupid pot hole. Has no Fear of Bosco.. Stupid duck. Pooper asked me why didn't I take a pic.. Well my only thought was quackers was going to be bosco's chew toy.. and I was yellling leave it. So, again.. I attempt to catch this stupid duck.. with barefeet.. and him splashing in the water. I am covered in head to toe of mud. Finally caught this damn duck. Put him in the pen. And my temp blockage hasn't been moved. How the heck is she getting out... grrrr...

Go inside.. and now hubby is laughing so hard he is crying... All He kept saying over and over again. BE smarter then the duck. Me cursing him under my breath.. Be smarter then the duck.. moron.

So I change and go out to feed. Still mumbling to myself... Be smarter then the Duck.. good help he is.. It is hard to explain how my pens are set up. But we have kind of like an alley way.. behind the goat pen.. and then the cows pasture our on the other side of the alley way. So, I feed the front pasture animals.. And I am watching this duck. Trying to see where the heck she is coming out of. So I am standing there. Quackers is walking around in the pen... I look towards the cows.. Cause they are mooing... or telling me off.. cause it is breakfast time and they are waiting for me to feed them. I look at momma cow and tell her to hush.. LMAo.. Look back towards the goat pen.. That damn duck got out again.. and Ididn't see it. Argg.. So I go running out... thinking we may have duck for supper cause she is starting to pee me off..

So this goes on all day.. Duck gets out.. Me chasing duck. trapping duck putting duck back in pen. At one point I was so frustrated.. I put the duck in the goat barn and locked it up. Go inside the house. Tell hubby. I am done with the duck. Hubby, laughed and said. Mini, Be smarter then the DUCK. Yeah I will show you smarter then the duck.. He is lucky I didn't hit him.

So I finally catch the duck going under our gate. Hubby raised the gate a week prior for winter. Stupid duck.. I am smarter then the duck.. SO hubby fixed the gate. And I grin from ear to ear.. See I am smarter then the DUCK..JERK

Which brings me to this morning,

I go outside to water.. and guess who the hell was swimming in the horse trough.. The frickin DUCK. I go inside.. cause I give up on this moron of a duck. I tell hubby, he laughs at me and he has the hmm balls to say... " guess you weren't smarter then the duck" If looks could kill.. he would have dropped dead on the spot... So now, either I am going to rip apart their pen or I am going to make it like fort knox.. Lets see who is smarter then who.. if that don't work.. I guess we are going to have duck for dinner ( JUST KIDDING)